Owning My Body?
May 25, 2009 | Filed Under Musings
From what I have noticed and read and seen, the big thing right now is “owning your body.” Proclaiming that it is beautiful and strong and perfect just as it is.
Oh yeah?
To be honest, I’m not sure I’m buying what they’re sellin’.
I don’t love my body. Yeah, it supported and gave life three times. It keeps me chuggin’ along, healthfully. But it is far from perfect. I don’t like all the soft hills and valleys. My chest is non-existent, my thighs are puffy, and I’ve got some junk-in-my-truck.
What is there to love about all that?
Swim suit season really drives it all home.
Really? We must don very small pieces of cloth… leaving not much to the imagination? And then get it wet and really leave not much to the imagination?
It just seems cruel.
I sat on the edge of the pool today, looked around, and saw it all. It seemed to me that the ones that didn’t need to be covering it up were. And the ones that, quite honestly, did, were not.
I was a little envious of the non-covering crowd. I would like that kind of confidence… the confidence to not care. But, this mama of three kids who needs to work out wa-a-a-a -y more regularly and not indulge in so much bacon, does not have it.
I eventually did strip down to just my bathing suit but it wasn’t easy.
I kept looking longingly at my dress, wishing it was on my body again.
Will I ever get to that place of “owning my body?” Do the people who proclaim they “own their body just as it is” really do? Is it bad that I don’t like my body? Should I care that much what other people think of my thighs?
Anyways…
My name is Andrea and I don’t “own my body.”
I just needed to get that off my non-exisitent chest.
Comments
17 Responses to “Owning My Body?”
Oh, I hear that =).
Lucy’s last blog post..
Oh, I am with you on the non-existent chest!
JLS’s last blog post..Morning cuddle time
Living near the beach now is making me really think about the way I think about myself. God wants us to be happy with ourselves and just take care of ourselves. If we are taking care of ourselves we should love what we have and enjoy our time. There are some that should not be showing it all and that makes it that much more easier for me to wear a suit. I have been on the beach in a bikini a few times already this summer with scar and all the flub. And it has made me happy. I’m not walking around or running in my suit but I am enjoying the beach, enjoying getting a tan, and soaking up the sun with out being scorching hot
You look great Andrea because that’s how God made you. I love ya and if you come down here you better be going and laying out with me!
Tarrah’s last blog post..Random Picture Challenge
I hear ya! (except that I have enough chest for you, me and a few others.)
Tina’s last blog post..I could eat him with a spoon.
The other day at the community pool my sister (who has some weight to loose) sat in her one piece with a towel wrapped around her to cover up “people watching.” After a while she commented to me that she wishes she at least had the confidence to rock her (one piece) swimsuit and not care, so she could enjoy herself. There were MANY women there who sure didn’t seem to mind what they were showing off in their two pieces! It wasn’t pretty.
P.S. I hear ya on the non-existent chest. It doesn’t bother me all that much except when it comes to swimsuits. Ugh.
I’m one of those people that really needs to cover up. And for the most part, I do (I’m wearing my 2-piece maternity halter swimsuit – even though I’m not pregnant). But if I want to totally avoid the eyes of others looking at my SO NOT GLAMOROUS thighs and upper arms (the bane of my existence), then I’m gonna miss out on a lot of fun with my kids and husband.
Do I like the way I look? Absolutely not. I know my body is a temple and I’ve not treated it as such – and my medications have helped to change it into something I don’t recognize anymore. But I refuse to let my kids grow up and wonder “what did Mama look like – where was Mama?” when they go through our photos. Why make them – or me – miss out because I’m imperfect. I want them to have the best life I can give them… including their not-swimsuit-ready Mama in the ocean and the pool with them =)
Genevieve (ManaOnABudget)’s last blog post..New phone means new ringtones
I am so with you on that. This is a tough stage for body-loving. Popping out kids and then spending all your time raising them (and not so much working out) does tough things to a mommy-body.
I’m not at a place where I love my body. However, I’m also not at a place where I’m going to waste a whole lot of time worrying about it or let it stop me from living life. No, I’m not going to be strutting the beach in a bikini ANYTIME SOON. But, I’m not going to stay away from the beach or not go swimming with my kids because of it either. That’s as close as I come to owning my body for now
Sarah in the Middle’s last blog post..Two Down, One to Go
yeah I feel like I should love my body or whatever right now as I haven’t had children yet but I don’t…i always have those “once this is gone I will be happy ” those spots just haven’t left yet…haha
My goal is to be happy with my body prior to having children.
I’m always kinda surprised by that too, the whole those who cover vs those who dont but need too thing. I wish I could just strut loud and proud but alas, I cant. I mean I like my body and all, just not in a swimsuit. In public.
the mrs.’s last blog post..A day in pictures. Well most of the day.
I could have written this myself… at least most of it!
My body is covered in graffiti.
Oh how hard it is, how hard it is!
britt
4 Little Men and Girly Twins’s last blog post..It’s baby food time baby!
I can relate! I’m pretty much hating everything about my body right now. I keep trying to convince myself I don’t really care…But I know I’m only lying to myself. The last 10 pounds of baby weight is making me insane
Oh, and about the non-existent chest- Me too!!! And I get to wear a backless, halter style bridesmaids dress come August. Can’t fake it with a padded bra this time! No idea how I’m going to pull that off. *sigh*
I wish I could just “own it” happily. But I’m not sure I’ll ever get there.
Mrs. Staff Sergeant’s last blog post..Memorial Day one year later
I think it’s hard to own your body and really be happy with it. I get a little better now that I’m a bit older, but it’s still hard. I have a very hard time being in a swimsuit at a busy pool or in front of a lot of people . . . I like to wear my tankini’s b/c they cover up a bit more. My goal this summer is to wear a bikini to the beach when we take our trip out East, so I’m religiously doing the 30 Day Shred in hopes of making it. I am much more toned now, but I cannot for the life of me stop loving food so I simply can’t lose the last 8-10 pounds that I would like to!!
And I hear you on the thighs, anything I eat goes on my thighs . . .drives me nuts!!
A Crafty Mom’s last blog post..Walking in Asia
I don’t own my body either…and I insist on wearing a swim skirt, which drives Jordan nuts! He calls me an old lady any time I wear my swimsuit, LOL!
Muthering Heights’s last blog post..Wordless/Wordful Wednesday – Philadelphia Trip, Part One: Jessie Takes On Philadelphia
Oh my. You are writing about me. The nonchest, the thighs. The three babies, and the bacon… We have a beautiful pool here at our apartment complex, and our kids want nothing more than to spend every waking moment in it (and that was when there was still snow on the ground!). I am wondering why all the beautiful people in their teeny bikinis don’t have better things to do at 3.30pm, and are instead, lounging their taut tanned bodies around the pool? Not to mention all those balconies overlooking the pool (OMG! don’t thighs look even bigger under water? Maybe the same works for chests. Here’s hoping!) Mama torture, for sure!
I completely understand what you mean. Only I feel much more pathetic because I am the age where I’m supposed to be at my prime physically (19) and I keep thinking “this is my prime?” ha! this is the best my thighs are ever going to look? the melodrama in me begs why keep going? the reason in me laughs at such drama. because truly I know I am beautiful. I don’t always feel it, and it’s not always written over every physical feature about me (who even likes every single one of their body parts?… one of my friends who is a little skinny minnie seriously complained to me about her pinky toe the other day… what is that?)
When I think about the swimsuit thing (after the feeling like I might vomit subsides), I remember my mom. I can’t remember a time when she wasn’t 200 pounds or over. It’s been an eating disorder that she has struggled with all her life. I’ve seen her in stages of pity, determination, loathing, and victory during different seasons. But every time we went to the pool, she wasn’t sitting on the sidelines in a coverup and a book, she donned a tasteful one piece and played, seemingly uninhibited. confident is pushing it. and she certainly wasn’t owning her body, since she knew it wasn’t okay to be so overweight and, i now know (i never would have picked up on this as a kid), had to fight not to lapse into depression because she knew her body was a result of a lack of discipline and direct disobedience to take care of herself the way God would have her. But she did own us and delighted in that time with us, which is what i remember.
Now she tells me to make sure that I am in shape enough to serve the way I should be and to be appreciative of the normal amount of discipline I could exert should I so choose. The hard part is so choosing. Especially because I know the “pool pressure” will always be there. Right now its among college kids with girls who really do look like the prime. And among guys who would first soon choose those girls. But one day, when I do have a husband and the boy thing isn’t the issue, I’ll be in the presence of other mothers, who can be just as harsh as college girls in their prime. And since I don’t feel like the prime of my age group now, I don’t suspect I’ll feel prime among that group, either. So there goes the idea of owning my body. Instead I’ll get okay with that right now I have a family that says I’m beautiful and loves me regardless.
and hopefully I’ll build my own family in the future that will say the same. you know, if this body ever does attract one of those guys with eyes for the prime…
whoa that was long. thanks for listening to me vent and letting me get it off my also flat chest. It’s a therapy you have going on here, Andrea.
Sadie’s last blog post..A Hot Mess
I think all women deal with this, no matter the age, the experience. There’s always some girl younger, prettier, skinnier, more toned, blah blah blah than myself. I am self-conscious, especially in bathing suits, and when there’s tiny teenagers around. But, then I think to myself “oooh girls, if you only know what’s coming =D ” and that they might have “pretty” bodies for the moment, but MY body has labored and birthed for 20 straight hours naturally, my body has carried now 2 babies and nourished them solely. My body has come full circle from health nut to junk food addict to health nut again, sustained me in many workouts and travels, upheld me in sad, sorrowful times and happy, wonderful times. It may not be perfect, but it’s mine and it’s more about how I use it–to glorify God, serve others-than how it looks to the rest of the world -even if there are a few stretch marks and soft spot. =D
krysten’s last blog post..Update on baby #2
Molly @ Star Cottage’s last blog post..Hens And Chicks