The Why’s of Personalities…
July 9, 2009 | Filed Under Judah, Musings, Photos
Andrea has a question for the people who are much smarter than she is…
Why is it, as a mother, I struggle most with the child it is most similar to me in personality?
Is it because his behavior models my behavior which consequently brings to light all the things about myself that I struggle with? Is it because the expectations I have for myself are suddenly thrust on my child and he is unable to live up to them? Is it because he knows just how to push my buttons? Or is it simply because he’s three and I am reading too much into things?
This afternoon I took all three of the kids outside to berry pick. Eve had been begging and pleading to go outside to pick berries. I consented and out we went; Eve took off to the swing set immediately, singing songs at the very tip-top of her lungs. Eliza was content to be wherever the action was which turned out to be was where Eve was. And Judah, my little three year old man, stuck to my heels, mason jar in hand, picking berries with intensity. He didn’t eat any while picking (I never do either) and stuck to his job, happy as could be.
I started thinking about the way things are with regards to my children, birth order, personality, and temperament…
Eve, she is a tough one for me to read. She has many first child tendencies but she throws me for a loop with a lot of things. You’d think she would have been the one picking berries, not allowing herself to get distracted by anything. But she was the free-spirit, swinging and singing without a care in the world.
And then there is Judah, my second child and only boy. He is so similar to me in personalty, temperament, ability to handle stress… but decidedly not looks. He acts more like a first born in so many ways. It confuses the crap out of me.
For some reason this afternoon’s berry outing got me contemplating as to the reasons why he and I struggle the most in our relating. Why is it this way when we are so similar? Why is it I can’t remember to relate to him in the way I would like to be related to? It should be so easy but it’s not.
I am certainly not qualified to be answering any of these questions. But maybe you are? Or maybe you struggle with the same thing. It would be nice not to feel alone. It would be nice to have some clarity. But mostly to be able to love and relate to him even better and in the right ways.
Comments
16 Responses to “The Why’s of Personalities…”
oooooh. those are some good questions. I have heard of children “switching” birth order. i’m sure some of it has to do with being first (and only?) boy. My husband is a middle child with both oldest and baby tendencies. It’s very interesting and I have a whole treatise mapped out as to why such a thing would happen.
Becca’s last blog post..Pardon me, but there’s a goat in your front yard!
I’m right there with you. My “relating” issues are also with my second child, but mine is a girl. She and I are the most alike in personality which probably is the reason why I have the hardest time with her. I don’t have the answers either and have been asking the same questions you are asking. If you figure it out please share
Staci’s last blog post..Our 4th…
My Dad and I always struggled like this. We were so much alike. And now I see so much of my Dad in myself, and my struggles with Noah. Some of it I like, and some I don’t like. But just know there are other people out there struggling with the same things! You’re not the only one. I need to hear that on a continual basis.
american mum’s last blog post..The 4th
I struggle with the same thing with my oldest. She is so very much like me, and I see things in her that I dislike in myself. It’s like she is a mirror, and sometimes it’s painful to see my reflection in her. I find myself being really hard on her at times, because I don’t want her to be like me in certain ways. It’s definitely something I struggle with, and something I’d like to change.
maybe its because likes “repel” (magnets)? i think its what you and others have said – we see in them the things that we don’t like or struggle with in ourselves – and don’t we have the least amount of patience with ourselves of all people? so makes sense that #2 in the patience pecking order would be those most like us! i do wonder tho, if this means that you might be that much closer once they get older, because you will be able to relate to them and the way in which they approach things so much more?
Lina Martin’s last blog post..Simple Pleasures
Very interesting, I seem to be able to relate with my little boy, who is 2, and most like me, than with my 6 yr. old daughter who is more like her father. I’m sure it helps that he really isn’t in the ‘terrible twos’, its amazing how we approach a situation much the same way!
Lori Myers’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
I don’t really have much of a clue either in that area. My son doesn’t act at all like a first born but, my daughter does. I am convinced that 3 year olds definitely have their own separate “3 year old personality”. I feel like I have an easier time relating to Kole because he is a little more like me but, with Ava I realize that it’s more difficult with her because she is 3 and throws tantrums all of the time- who can relate to that? Every once in a while I see glimpses of who she really is, the 3 year old stuff is just a stage (I assure myself). I try to look past all of that and see the beautiful, articulate, strong young woman that I know she will grow into. But, trust me when “those days” hit- it’s awful hard. Thank God for his grace that I hang onto every single day.
Does any of that make sense? (sorry so long)
Gina’s last blog post..Good Scents.
Something that might be cool to do is try to figure out each child’s love language. We think about it w our spouse but not always w our kids.
Aprille’s last blog post..First Photoshopped Photo
I feel ya – I have these issues with my 1st born. We are VERY MUCH alike.
Tina’s last blog post..I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.
I think there’s actually a book on learning your child’s love language, possibly by the same author? I think it’s hard to relate to a child that’s the most like you because 1) you see your shortcomings in them and want to “work” them out of the child before they grow up and
2) opposite attract, so it’s more likely that someone a lot like you will get on your nerves (I get on my own nerves! ha). Think about all your friends…are any of them exactly like you in the way they see situations or handle stress, etc? Most likely, they aren’t and that’s why you’re good friends! That’s my 2 cents’ worth of psychology!!
Jenn’s last blog post..THE combine
That’s a tough one…I’m sorry , but I’m just not at that point yet!
I’m not sure why that is, but I can tell you that I have the most trouble getting along with my dad because we are very similar when it comes to personalities.
You’re not alone!
Rachael’s last blog post..Parties, Problems. and Big Decisions
I have been reading your blog for some time, and just saw the deployment blog….are you here in Rochester? If you are, have you been to Abundance on Marshall St.? Nothing like Whole Foods, but it’s a nice little place to get good ingredients.
Cindy
I think you are right. When a child is most like us I think we tend to become easily frustrated with them. My girls have some of both my hubby and I. My oldest though is more like her dad and they can totally in each other. It’s most comical and they both know they are alike so they can work through it.
My youngest is more like me. I think as we realize who they are and learn how to channel all thei personality traits in the right direction, they will shine!!
In ways my girls follow the birth order path, but then they do something that breaks that mold. They are who they are.
Kirstim’s last blog post..Update
Ugh, I can SOOOOO relate. And I have all the same questions myself. Evyn is me to a T and quite a bit more so at a younger age. And her ability to argue – it’s unbelievable for her age!
I love her so much but she’s stubborn and dramatic and difficult and has to negotiate the terms of EVERYTHING! Today I told her she could have 10 more minutes on the computer. “How about 11 or 12?” And she’s very literal; I have to be very careful what I say because she’s such a “thinker” that you never know how where she’s going to take it in her own mind…it’s exasperating.
I’m basically just hanging in there and trying to toe the line between being sensitive to her personality and still being the adult/Mom. She’s so independent and capable its a tough call sometimes…
I say pray about it…I bet God will give you some wisdom.
Crystal’s last blog post..scenes from a hospital
Case in point: It’s 20 minutes (give or take) after I wrote that comment and Evyn just stomped off and told me “You don’t like me. Nobody in my family likes me.” because I told her she couldn’t sass her father.
That’s just plain drama.
Crystal’s last blog post..scenes from a hospital