MyPay
January 25, 2010 | Filed Under Deployment, Military Life, Photos | 15 Comments
The only part of post-deployment I don’t like… the jacking up of one’s paycheck.
It seems like it happens with every deployment and sometimes with a PCS.
Times like this it pays to anticipate that your money is going to get messed up. It also helps to plan for it and have a proactive approach. Thankfully we were ready.
Annoying though.
Daniel and the kids re-unite video…
January 7, 2010 | Filed Under Andrea, Daniel, Deployment, Eliza Dove, Eve, Judah, Military Life, Perspective, Video | 44 Comments
I thought you all might like to share in our joy.
I video-ed on my mighty little Flip video camera when Daniel and the kids first saw each other at my parents house.
Just try not to cry.
Untitled from andrea hub on Vimeo.
This video is after a few minutes had passed and Eliza was in the process of warming up. Thank the Lord for Skype! Daniel and I directly attribute Eliza seeing him and talking to him via Skype to her recognizing and quickly being comfortable with him.
Eliza warms up from andrea hub on Vimeo.
The “reintegration” process has been absolutely seamless. The kids have fallen right back into rhythm with Daddy; the only issue I can see is that they have to learn to trust Daniel again. Trust that’s he’s here to stay… they tend to get a little frantic, asking for him when he leaves the room or to run out to the truck. Especially Eliza.
Right now I am laying on a couch on Columbus AFB in Mississippi watching the Texas/Alabama game with Daniel. We are well on our way back to New Mexico and it has been a wonderful trip thus far. I will write a detailed blog about our trip once it’s over but truly, it has been an amazing time as a family. I am thankful for every minute I sit next to Daniel in our truck. The kids have been complete angels and we have made some great memories.
This is the first time I have been on my computer since Sunday (I KNOW!) so to say blogging has had to take the back seat would be an understatement but this family time minus any distractions has been a blessing. But I am very much looking forward to getting back into a rhythm. I am so much happier and peaceful now… as my brother David said today, I am a “totally different girl!”
And I really am. Daniel does that to me. I’m so thankful for my magnificent husband!
The red-heads re-unite!
January 1, 2010 | Filed Under Andrea, Crossfit, Daniel, Deployment, Photos | 45 Comments
Oh yes, my husband has red hair. Did you not know that?
Well, I did. And I love his hair. But he loves to shave it right off. For my birthday all I wanted was for him to grow out his hair. It was a sacrifice but he did it and oh….. it has made me happy!
So yes, the red-heads have re-united! And what did we do?
We went and worked out, of course!
You can’t see the bar but we are hanging from the pull-up bar over at the Crossfit gym…
My mom and dad took the kids for us and we have so far had a day and a half of togetherness. And it has been amazing. We have had such a blast just being together. I’m so thankful for my magnificent husband.
Thank you all so much for sharing in our excitement. You are a blessing to my life and you bring me much joy.
Today the kids and their Daddy are going to be re-united. We are all so very excited!!
Tomorrow
December 29, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Military Life | 38 Comments
I think that tomorrow I’ll just hop in my truck and take a little drive to the Buffalo airport to…
PICK UP MY HUSBAND.
Yeah, baby.
Smile!
December 27, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Eliza Dove, Photography | 6 Comments
Smile!
Bigger!
I know I am…
p.s. Eliza is rockin’ the rhinestone jewelry, eh?!
And the countdown marches on…
December 17, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Life Stuff | 16 Comments
*I think I might cry a little when I have my own house again. I have missed having my own space very much. Apartment living… is not for me.
*I’ve bought the last package of toilet paper ’til we leave. A four pack, for curious minds. This makes me feel slightly giddy.
*I allowed myself to think about sleeping in my own bed, today. Such a lovely, lovely thought.
*Daniel and I are trying to figure out the plane ticket buying. Not such an easy decision since we have nothing firm in the way of dates. But still…. plane tickets…. hooray!
*I have started to go through the stuff we have here at the apartment. Selling some, giving lots away… the process feels quite overwhelming. Life needs to march on… the feeding, clothe-ing, washing, homeschooling, Eliza’s birthday, Christmas… there isn’t a pause button for my duties while I pack.
*Everything we are bringing back to New Mexico has to fit in the 5.5 feet bed of our truck. I’m good but I don’t know if I’m that good.
*No Christmas tree this year. My kids are sad but there’s no point and it would be a waste of money. It’s too bad because I did buy a tree stand at a garage sale for .50 cents. I hate to waste it… ha!
*I’m going to really, REALLY miss Wegmans, Sephora, the big beautiful mall, a great health food store, Craig’s List, knowing that I can drive to just about any store I can dream up in no more than 15 minutes. I like to shop without being inconvenienced and our tiny town in New Mexico has squat. And that is very inconvenient.
*Tomorrow night is our last “Girl’s Night” before I have to move. These ladies have been my life-line. And I am going to miss them very much.
*I have less than a handful of Crossfit workouts left. Tonight I have one and I am taking Eve with me on Saturday. Next week is going to be almost normal but after that…. I don’t know. And not knowing makes me nervous! I have really enjoyed dying Crossfit-ing every other day.
*Not being able to send Daniel his daily letter or any more packages has made me feel sort of useless. But, time is short now. And that makes me happy.
Off to make something for dinner!
Happiness is mine!
Aching for home.
December 8, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Military Life | 35 Comments
It’s been no secret that I have struggled this deployment.
Some people fly right on through these separations, never seeming to be bothered all that much. They are vibrant and busy. Happy and optimistic.
I have never wanted anything to end so badly.
I ache for home.
It’s funny to hear myself say that because really, where is my home? Is it here in New York? Because this is where I grew up. It should feel like home, yet it doesn’t.
Is it New Mexico? I mean, that is where my home should be after all. Well, if I hadn’t abandoned ship.
When I visited Vermont I felt the closest to being “home.” Probably because that was where Daniel and I had spent four intense recruiting duty years together.
But, what I come up with is this: Daniel is my home.
And so my heart aches for him.
Three weeks left. Probably, most likely, we’ll see.
It should seem so short. But, as I wrote to Daniel a little while back, even one day seems too long.
All I want to do is bury myself in him. Hide from the world. Let him refresh my heart. Soften the memories of life lived without him.
I can’t escape the sadness right now. I want to. Everything and everybody is so happy! It’s Christmas! Your husband is coming home! Be filled with good cheer! Stuff your face with cookies! Wrap presents!
All I can say is: I’m trying. I’m smiling. I’m holding out hope. I’m singing Christmas carols. Tearing off a link in the paper chain each night. One day closer.
Why is the end the hardest?
The Conversation.
November 17, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Deployment Blog, Military Life, Perspective | Comments Off
**Differing opinions are starting to trickle into the comment section…
The conversation… the comments are really where it’s at.
I continued the conversation today.
Veteran’s Day 2009
November 11, 2009 | Filed Under Daniel, Deployment, Military Life, Photos, Veteran's Day | 19 Comments
My husband’s view every evening… an Iraq sunset
Thankful and proud…
I am thankful for the path of blood, sweat, tears. Of young lives given; of thinking and wanting nothing in return; the sure focus, the pride of sacrificing all for one’s country – values – religion. The willingness to lay down one’s life to assure freedom for those yet to come.
I am proud of my husband, a patriot. Of his decision young in life to choose sacrifice; to choose the harder path; to live for a cause greater than himself.
I am proud to be living in the shadow of much greater women who have gone before me; to be living and serving alongside strong courageous women who sacrifice daily under the title of “military spouse.”
We live for our men, for our children, for our country.
Is there any greater calling?
Camera sent to Daniel from the very generous Sara
Emotions
November 10, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Eliza Dove, Eve, Judah, Photos | 29 Comments
These are my kids:
Attitude, Drama, and Toothless
I’m never bored.
Ever.
We expressed some emotions today:
Tired (Why yes I am, thanks for asking!)…
Mad (Some of us more than others)…
Silly (All of us)…
But, there’s lots of love…
Lots of love…
Too much, sometimes…
Mama sees the look of desperation in your eyes, baby. I’m comin’…
We love you and miss you, Daddy. We promise to save a bunch of kisses and hugs for you…
Attacking these last six weeks with camera in hand…
November 9, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Photography, Photos | 13 Comments
Busy.
That’s been the way to describe me lately.
Simply having three small kids is busy enough. But raising them on my own is really busy. And then adding in homeschooling… that takes busy to a whole new level. Except that I have decided to add to the crazy and do a few photoshoots and another wedding with Amanda. Because why not? If I’ve already committed to the crazy… why not go all.the.way.
Last week I finished up editing Jen’s “Hot Mama” photoshoot. (I totally own at that I am slow at editing.)
She’s fierce, my friends. Very fierce. And totally beautiful.
I am working on editing Erin’s sweet family photoshoot…
Levi is the sweetest, smiliest baby. Love him.
Rosy and I did a photoshoot together…
We swapped photos for babysitting (I’m all for the barter system!)
On Friday I shot a “Rock the Frock” with Jen and her husband Jon… Oh, that was amazing! I am itching to rock my frock with Daniel now!
Their love is amongst my favorite. Absolutely beautiful.
Yesterday Amanda and I set out. She is hardcore, y’all. Totally sick but she was out there trekking through tall grass in barefeet.
We laughed a lot. I think that’s my favorite part of doing photoshoots… the laughing.
It’s me, 48 bazillion photos, photoshop, and Mozart after the kids go to bed. Every night. And I really love it.
So, life is busy. Yes, very busy. But, I am happy and ready for this final push towards the finish line. Christmas can’t come fast enough this year!
It’s a New York Fall…
November 1, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Eliza Dove, Eve, Fall, Life in New York (the apple trees and dairy cow part... not the city!), Photos | 32 Comments
Fall in New York is breath-taking…
I have been getting out and enjoying every bit of this season because I know I won’t have this opportunity again for maybe the rest of my life.
I took the kids grape picking at the vineyard this past Sunday evening.
It was, in one word, beautiful.
We enjoyed every minute of it. We had been a couple of weeks before that and it was lovely then, but for some reason the moodiness of the leafless vines…
…and the fallen grapes made it seem all the more beautiful.
The kids helped me pick, they taste-tested, they played tag up and down the rows (we were the only patrons), and they gave each other wagon rides.
Such a good time.
This past Thursday, my Mom and Dad invited us to go to a park with them for a picnic.
We are always up for picnics in parks with a fire and roasted hot dogs! Miss Eliza wore (Eve’s) pink beret the entire night.
She may be slightly in love with hats of any sort. Eliza wore that hat, or, “Haaa…” as she says, with great pride.
Even when she fell down (it’s tough “trailing” through the woods when you are little!) that hat stayed right on her head.
As Eve would tell you, fashion is where it’s at, even when one is “trailing.”
Eliza has taken that nugget of “truth” to heart!
We had a great time at the park; I can tell you exactly just how much fun by the amount of dirty laundry I had to wash!
I am thankful that I have had the energy and determination to get out while Daniel has been deployed. It hasn’t always been easy, in fact, sometimes it took more than I had to give. I have three small kids, after all! But, I refuse to have any regrets. I don’t want to look back on this time in my life and wish I had not held back. Sure, my heart waits for him but my life has moved forward. How discouraging it would be for Daniel to come home and see that I am still the same girl he left six months earlier!
Anyway, happy November first! Not only is it my birthday month,Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday!), and Judah’s birthday month… most importantly, I get to say: my husband is coming home NEXT MONTH!
Hooray!
Sometimes I reach out my hand.
October 21, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Lovers, Photos, Uncategorized | 29 Comments
I sleep on the same sheets we’ve slept on for years now. The same sheets we slept on before you left last time. The same sheets I slept on alone, before. And now, alone, again.
They started out as creamy flannel. And now they are silk, softened with use. Pregnant with memories.
Sometimes I slowly reach out my hand even though I know my fingers won’t collide with your body. I do it because I like to remember that they have. And one day they will again.
Sometimes I curl my body into a half moon and wish to once again feel your strong arm glide over and wrap itself around my middle and pull me into you. And if you did, I would lay there nestled in the place that was made only for me.
Our slow quiet breaths sometimes mismatch, sometimes harmonize. But together we would breathe in this abiding love.
I miss feeling you lay next to me. I miss your warm breath on my hair. I miss laying with you, as close as we possibly could be but always wishing it would be closer. I miss falling asleep, our legs and fingers and hearts tangled.
Come home, my love. Our sheets miss you.
My life right now looks like…
October 11, 2009 | Filed Under Andrea, Deployment, Eliza Dove, Eve, Judah, Life Stuff | 28 Comments
this…
I am so busy my head spins. I am pulled in every direction, so thinly that at times I am certain you can see right through me. Everybody needs a piece of me, right now.
I have lost myself along the way of this deployment. I’ve known this for awhile. But, I can’t care. It’s not about me right now. Life is about the kids, about keeping Daniel’s spirits up, about keeping life moving along.
There are moments, more often than I’d care to acknowledge, even in the vein of this honest post, that I feel I just can not go on. Not another moment. Not another breath. I can’t deal with anymore, anything. And then I do. I do and I do and I do.
Sometimes I cry. I gnash my teeth. I yell. I pout. I stomp my feet at God. I feel that all of this is very unfair.
And then I move on. Because I must.
I am doing pretty good right now. Usually at this point in the month, I would be very funktified and yet, I am not. Even amidst the craziness of life, the kids and I have been having a lot of fun; we are enjoying Fall and enjoying homeschooling. We have had a long string of really good days dotted with some terrific outings. And there are plenty more on the horizon. With five birthdays in the next two months and all of the holidays… none of us can wait!
But keep praying for me, will you? I sure do need it.
More than half way through now…
Life is life…
September 28, 2009 | Filed Under Andrea, Daniel, Deployment, Eliza Dove, Eve, Life Stuff, Photos, Vermont | 15 Comments
I have three drafts sitting in my folder. Three times I have tried to write a post and bleh... they stunk like a skunk.
But this one is the one. I am determined to post it, good, bad, or otherwise.
I am not sure if, in the nearly three years I have been writing on this tiny space that is mine all mine, I have ever gone this long without posting. All I can say is, I am not me without Daniel. He’s my lighthouse.
Last weekend and part of this week, the girls and I spent time back in Vermont. Oh, it was happy. Very, very happy. I finally felt like I was home. Though the getting there was a wee too exciting for my liking. Little Miss Liza-Lu determined we needed a slight detour and landed herself in the ER for a dislocated elbow. It was terrifying because we didn’t know what happened. I thought she broke her hand or her arm! It took me right back to the last time Daniel deployed and Judah had his seizure. Thankfully the PA popped it right back in and she was her chubby happy self again. My poor heart though!
Once in Vermont much happiness ensued…
We went to the apple orchard that our little family has picked at since Eve was one year old. With the exception of last year, of course. I am planning on a “through the years post” of our annual apple orchard sojourn.
It was so thrilling for my heart to see how well Miss Eliza Dove fit in with the Vermont-ness.
It was fulfilling for me to see her perfect in her birthplace…
Our visit to Vermont was the best ever. Our friends spoiled us rotten. Rotten. It was wonderful! I was even able to connect with some friends and neighbors. Not much has changed and that was comforting. Though, you should have seen Eve’s face and heard her exclaim with indignation, when we drove by our little red house, that, “SOMEONE LIVES THERE!” Yup. They do. But it was much homier when we lived there. Poor little red house. I wish I missed it but after four years and two more children, we definitely outgrew the space. I’ll never outgrow the memories though.
Hey, catch this…. Liza got her ears pierced while we were in VT! Hooray! I even held her during the entire process. MAJOR victory. I am a big advocate (just like you) of my kids living pain-free. But I wanted her to have the earrings more. She barely cried… literally two tears. Eliza is one tough cookie. I can hardly picture her without earrings now. So happy!
Let’s see… what else did we do… We took rides on the Morton’s antique fire engines… like we did on the 4th of July a couple of years ago. The kids look so young; it was just Eve and Judah though Lizie was gestating in my belly.(Watching that slideshow made me realize that I really need to grow my hair back out. I love it long, it’s truly me). We made earrings and bracelets, Amanda made an awesome necklace. We saw a calf, just an hour old, try out it’s very shaky and brand new legs.
We visited Shelburne Farms (one of our favorite places and also where Eve did pre-school!), saw all the animals, I even braved the hen’s nest and came out with two eggs! And escaped with no pecking!
Vermont will always be in my heart. I really loved every minute we spent there this last week. Thank you Ginger and Erin and Ken for making me and the girls feel happy and at home.
We are back to normal life now. Phew. Today was our first real day of homeschooling. It was really wonderful! Eve remarked to me this afternoon that she didn’t want to go back to regular school anymore. I think we have embarked on a grand new adventure.
Life is life right now. And I miss my husband like crazy. I had no idea a heart could yearn in the way mine does. Sometimes I am okay and sometimes the loneliness washes over me and I can’t breathe… days where I can’t breathe for missing him so deeply.
Daniel, to say I miss you doesn’t even scratch the surface. What we have… it’s a soul thing. Every bit of me loves every bit of you…
