I love my people. And Crossfit.
July 11, 2010 | Filed Under Crossfit, Daniel, Eliza Dove, Judah, Love is..., Uncategorized | 6 Comments
(addendum) Looking back on these photos… this is definitely a “We do Crossfit” themed post!
Sarah: Army Wife, My Friend, Beautiful.
June 9, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 17 Comments
This is my friend Sarah. She’s beautiful, no? We’ve known each other since the beginning of time. At least it feels that way. I was home (New York) this weekend because I was hired to shoot a wedding with my excessively talented friend, Amanda. I had arranged to do a photoshoot at dawn on Saturday with Sarah but then the forecast of rain and her (three) girls having the flu canceled our plans. But wouldn’t you know, I woke up at 7 a.m. Saturday morning to gorgeous sun. I texted Sarah and asked if we could give it a whirl… and it worked!
Sarah’s husband is in the Army and deployed at the moment (and for a lot of subsequent moments – pray for them, will you?) and I knew she could use a little pick me up. And Jordan, her husband, could use some beautiful photos of his wife. Good for morale, you know.
This is what I love about loving and pursuing photography. I can use my talent, my equipment, my time to bring someone else happiness. And, most importantly to me, to show women how gorgeous – how truly gorgeous they are.
I’ve been struggling with labels lately. Am I a photographer if I don’t have a business? As my wonderful friend Crystal said to me the other day, “You CAN be a photographer without the business.” I really don’t feel the need or the desire to have a business right now. I’m pretty darn busy with life in general and the thought of adding an extra, very needy business into the mix is not something I want to do.
You see, I loved every moment of taking Sarah’s photos. I loved every second of editing Sarah’s photos. I loved not having the thought of money creep in. I did them for the love of Sarah and the love of photography. I’m afraid that having a business right now would suck the passion out of photography for me.
That being said, someday I would like to have a business. When I feel as if I am good enough to deserve clients and I have the time and energy to devote to all that the business would demand. Until that day I will increase in my skills, document the heck out of my kid’s lives, and occasionally do a photoshoot. But only ever because I love it.
And I loved capturing Sarah’s beauty. Her friendship is a blessing to me, her husband’s service demands my respect… I am ever so thankful for that unexpected sunshine-filled Saturday morning.
At the bottom there is still grace.
April 2, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 29 Comments
Motherhood is hard. I had no idea just how difficult it could and would be. If I had known beforehand, I may not have chosen to become a mother.
Yesterday, I wanted to walk away. Just walk away. Disappear.
How could I, a grown woman, an adult, be reduced to the crying mess of a person that I had become?
Oh, there are hard days; hard hard hard days. I’m no stranger to them. But I was overcome and overwhelmed and beaten down. I had taken more in the last almost seven years than I ever imagined I could possibly take. How was I going to survive another second?
I shrieked at the kids… apparently my normal voice had left me high and dry… I sent them to their rooms and I grabbed the vacuum cleaner. Because if anything, I knew that having a clean floor would make me feel at least marginally better.
Halfway through my vacuuming the prong on the plug broke. And I did too.
I railed at God. Oh, did I ever rail.
Why? Why did He give me THREE kids when He knows me, knows my personality? He created me, after all.
Why did He hard-wire me a certain way and then hand me three children?
I thrive in a clean house.
Mine never is.
I like being a clean and neat and organized person.
I never am.
My personality requires quiet. I fall apart in loud, chaotic, bustling, busy situations.
My house is never ever quiet. I rarely can form a complete thought without some sort of interruption.
Rail after rail after rail, there were no answers that came. God didn’t give me any epiphanies. I have nothing more today than I had yesterday.
But, what I had yesterday and I still have today is the knowledge that: I love my children deeply. They thrill me. They are gifts from a God who loves me.
I lay my life down for these small humans every single day. I deny myself everything. What they need, what they want, what makes them happy, what will help them grow into all that God wants them to be, these things constantly occupy my thoughts.
I live for each of them.
I would never leave. Even when that seems like the best means of escape.
I wish that refining didn’t have to hurt so much. I wish I could become the woman God wants me to be without having to cry another tear. I wish that my children were perfect and I would never again feel frustrated by their childish ways again.
Not going to happen.
My children will never know, never realize, never remember how I have given up so much for them. What I go through every day of their life so that they can be happy and clean and healthy and safe.
But, they aren’t suppose to. The weight would be too heavy for their tiny shoulders. It’s my turn to carry the burden. My turn to sacrifice and give. And give. And give.
In turn, I am down to my toes grateful that I will never have to know the weight of my own childishness. My own sin. My Father in Heaven carried that weight for me. He took the weight of my sin and damned it forever to Hell so that I could be free and redeemed and called His child.
He knew all that was to come, and yet He chose to still come to earth and sacrifice everything for me. He loves me, He lived and died for me.
Oh, the glorious grace…
Still on our third honeymoon!
January 17, 2010 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 24 Comments
It’s so good to be on my third honeymoon… with the same man!
I can’t believe that it has been almost three weeks since Daniel came home. The last two days have been the first “normal” days we have had since we were re-united. Between the moving out of New York, driving across the country, having an intense three week case of bronchitis and pleurisy, Daniel going back to work for a couple of days and then waiting on pins and needles to find out if he was leaving to go to Haiti Friday night…. we haven’t had a chance to catch our breath!
Yesterday and today were finally normal. We are, of course, unpacking boxes, but it’s been at a leisurely pace. I am completely enjoying having my life back. I feel spoiled by Daniel. I still can’t really believe he’s home. Sometimes I have to find him and hug him because I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I can.
Daniel has taken two weeks off (TWO WEEKS WITH MY HUSBAND!) to finish settling the house and enjoy life.
Eve playing jr. scrabble with Daddy
Tuesday we are headed to the ABQ for some shopping and the Aquarium… yay for civilization!… but mainly for some amazing Mexican food. I can not wait!! We are also going to pick up some paint at Home Depot (I’ve heard that Behr is the best??) so we can paint a few walls here at the house… robin’s egg blue in the living room (that will go well with my poppy couch, right? (best picture I could find fast) and a grass green to go in the kitchen (with purple and red accents – am I crazy for that?) and maybe a soft grey in Daniel and my bedroom. We’ll see if I am feeling up for anything else. And yes, I do realize I threw out my no-painting in base housing rule. I.need.color.
Sigh… life is good. I’m happy. Daniel is happy. The kids are happy and all warmed-up…
Daniel has submitted his application for the Air Force Physician Assistant (PA) program. And now we wait. His application is incredibly strong and way more than qualifying but you just never know. We’ve prayed about it and left all in God’s hands. We know that if He wants us to walk this path… it’s gonna happen. I have to admit, living in San Antonio is very appealing to me. Even if it’s only for one year. If we are accepted there will be an incredible amount of moving but… we’re getting pretty stinkin’ good at it. And I love the thought of making new friends and seeing new places. I tend to get kind of antsy to move after a year in the same place.
There is so much going on in our lives… I am so grateful for you and how you are always here encouraging me, sharing in my happiness, crying with me in my sadness… sharing life. I am deeply indebted to you.
So, as Judah says…. Chanks!
Sometimes I reach out my hand.
October 21, 2009 | Filed Under Deployment, Lovers, Photos, Uncategorized | 29 Comments
I sleep on the same sheets we’ve slept on for years now. The same sheets we slept on before you left last time. The same sheets I slept on alone, before. And now, alone, again.
They started out as creamy flannel. And now they are silk, softened with use. Pregnant with memories.
Sometimes I slowly reach out my hand even though I know my fingers won’t collide with your body. I do it because I like to remember that they have. And one day they will again.
Sometimes I curl my body into a half moon and wish to once again feel your strong arm glide over and wrap itself around my middle and pull me into you. And if you did, I would lay there nestled in the place that was made only for me.
Our slow quiet breaths sometimes mismatch, sometimes harmonize. But together we would breathe in this abiding love.
I miss feeling you lay next to me. I miss your warm breath on my hair. I miss laying with you, as close as we possibly could be but always wishing it would be closer. I miss falling asleep, our legs and fingers and hearts tangled.
Come home, my love. Our sheets miss you.
The Touch
September 30, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 20 Comments
She remembers!
I know she does.
She heard my Dad using his electric razor but couldn’t see him. She called, “Dadda, Dadda…”
She remembers!
*the photo Eliza is touching was taken a couple of days after Daniel returned from his previous deployment. I brought it along and hung it above my kitchen counter so that I would remember.
Leavin’ on a jet plane…
September 11, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 12 Comments
Heading back to New York today. The break away from everything has been really nice.
Seeing all my friends was wonderful. Eating awesome Mexican food was so much fun.
But, I need to kiss this squishy face.
And get hugs from the other two monkeys.
And I will soon!
Wish me a safe couple of flights, please!
An Experiment
July 29, 2009 | Filed Under Eliza Dove, Uncategorized | 27 Comments
I have been rolling this idea around in my head for a week or so now. I wanted to make sure that I could really commit to following through before I put my idea out there for all the internets to see.
There are two specific areas in my life that I can always count on to make me feel better. One is blogging and the other is exercise.
So.
I decided two things about blogging… First, I am going to blog every day for one month. I am not holding myself to writing a magnetic post every.single.day because well, that just isn’t going to happen. But I will post something of substance. Every day.
Second, I am going to rejoin the world of commenting.
To be perfectly honest, I became overwhelmed with commenting on every one of the blogs in my bloglines and on the blogs of you sweet people who comment on my own blog. So I just basically stopped commenting, period.
What I decided I could do, without becoming overwhelmed and quitting again, was to comment on each person’s blog that leaves a comment on mine. I have found that replying using my commentluv in the comment section of my blog is super easy. And easy is most definitely where it’s at right now.
As far as the exercise, I am setting my mind to exercise once every day. Every day. I had been thinking I could do Crossfit at the gym a few towns away, but right now with being on my own with the three kids and all that my job as “Mama24/7″ entails, it’s just not feasible. I have to exercise in a way that involves the kids. Which brings me back to the exercise I have previously done: walking miles and miles with two in the double stroller and one in the backpack.
Yup, I am back to being the crazy walking woman.
I am interested to see how these two separately good things, done side by side for a month, will affect my outlook. I am thinking it’s going to be good!
Wish me luck!
A Very Colorful Day…
July 22, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 10 Comments
Yesterday was a very colorful day for us! A totally appropriate theme since we are smack in the middle of “C” week here at “Operation Have Fun During This Deployment”.
We visited my very small home town’s farmer’s market..
Sunflowers, blueberries, green beans…
My kids ate those green beans out of the bag, like candy.
We visited Stony Brook for some amazingly fun times including creek hiking complete with painted blue toe nails…
You know, I forget that I have red hair. I have worn this red for ten years now (with a year break after Judah’s birth… obviously a hormonally charged crazy decision), this color is as much a part of me as my blue eyes are. I just don’t think about it… until I see a photo or someone comments on the color. Like yesterday… Whoa! Hello RED. My friend Ana from Sunrise on the Water took this photo of me hauling a soaked Eliza away from playing in the dirt. I wasn’t really interested in dealing with mud. Turns out, she got muddy anyways. I should know these things by now.
Purple flowers tucked in green shrubbery lined the paths…
We were suppose to eat vegetable lasagna for dinner but during a very cool thunderstorm, we lost power. For 6 hours. So, no veggie lasagna for us. It was pb and j instead!
My parents came over in the evening and saved me from certain insanity. They watched the kids so I could have some quiet time away. I went shopping. Of course! With flourless chocolate cake in mind… I splurged and bought these turquoise ramekins.
On the fun scale, yesterday was a 7. On the color scale… definitely a 10!
Smelling Good…
June 29, 2009 | Filed Under Eliza Dove, Musings, Uncategorized | 16 Comments
Last week while in Walmart I bought Judah some “Boy” body wash. The same one that Daniel uses, Dial “Magnetic” (you know I razzed him about the magnetic part every day!).
Today I saw the bottle sitting on the shelf while I was in the shower. I totally used some.
I catch a whiff of myself every once in awhile and it’s a comforting smell. You won’t laugh at me for smelling like a guy, will you?
Let’s Play Catch-Up
May 4, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 21 Comments
I’m in a funk. Did y’all pick up on that yet?
Too much life, too much to process. And I don’t process well in large chunks.
And I must process. Anyone else like that?
The kids tag-teamed Daniel and I with some sort of awful version of the flu for the last two weeks. It was horrible. No, that’s not strong enough of a word. Hellish? No, too strong. Somewhere in between the two but leaning more towards hellish.
Eliza is still recovering. Bless her heart. She took it hard.
So, what have I had to process…?
*Eve turned six. (How am I old enough to have a six year old?)
*We bought a new truck. (Yay!) In Amarillo. Which meant we had to drive past the beef cow “factories” twice. I have since sworn off all beef that has come from those kinds of places. (Except I had a hamburger from Chili’s on Friday night. I barely choked it down.)
*The flu of 2009.
*The fact that I don’t have a home lined up for me and the kids to move into back in Rochester. And I have six weeks left before arrival.
*I have an entire house to pack up (we decided to move out of our house) and zero boxes to actually pack stuff into.
*I have six weeks before I say good-bye to my Beloved for six months. (Excuse me while I go cry my eyes out.) (Except I have sworn off crying.)
That’s all the stuff I’m dealing with minus the fact that Judah has driven me to drink more than a few times these last few weeks. Three is not my favorite year. Neither was two. Maybe four will be?? He is such a sweet boy and I love him dearly but he’s so trying some (most) times.
I know, I know. Could this post be any more cheery? I’m sorry, y’all. I will perk up. I will. Life isn’t always fluffy puppies. Okay, that’s not a good example for me since, though I do love them, I have sworn off puppies forever.
I have found out the hard way that we do kids not pets.
Take two…. Life isn’t always chocolate dipped strawberries. Mmmmm. Much better. Actually, I could use a few of those right now.
I’m off to continue snapping out of my funk. I worked on it this morning by making peanut butter cookies with Judah… it helped.
I mean, just look at this face. How could you not feel better after seeing that?
Hi!… and stuff.
March 28, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 9 Comments
I am tired, my friends. This vacation stuff isn’t for the faint of heart.
SeaWorld was FUN. And the fact that we could go and enjoy the day for free, saving a TON of money thanks to the “Here’s to Hero’s” program, was so fantastic.
The kids loved the park, but I must say, we were all very bummed that the waterpark area was closed. The anticipation for that part of our day was high… only to be cruelly crushed. Okay, a little dramatic. But still, we were really disappointed.
The kids were so awesome yesterday. Amazing, wonderfully, truly spectacular. Zero meltdowns, zero fits..blew my mind. SeaWorld all day, dinner on the riverwalk with Aunt Kiki, and then we went and hung out in Aunt Kiki’s hotel rooftop hot tub ’til 10.
The hot tub was quite the adventure. It was more of a “warm” tub but it was perfect with the chilly breeze. Eliza was in Heaven!
After the hot tub, Daniel took Eve to go get “Bessie” from the parking garage…. but forgot the keys. And his cell phone was dead. Poor guy. A long walk for nothin’. We ended up getting back to our hotel room at 11. Have I mentioned how awesome our kids are? They totally rolled with it all. I love traveling with them.
Today we are headed back down to the riverwalk to do some walking around and maybe, maybe us girl will get our nails painted. Then, off to IKEA…. SO EXCITED. Really, I can hardly contain myself.
I just have to add that San Antonio ROCKS MY WORLD.
Catch ya later!
Vacation Randomness…
March 26, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 11 Comments
*The feed is fixed…!
A few thoughts/questions/observations about Texas…
Why all the goats? Really. I need to know.
Texas, well, at least western Texas, is a lot different landscape than I expected. I don’t actually know what I expected but it wasn’t the scrub brush and jagged rocks that I have been seeing for the last 250 miles.
We followed a rain storm the last 50 miles or so into San Antonio. It was awesome! I haven’t seen rain since…. Well, I can’t remember the last time I saw rain.
I am totally overwhelmed by the amount of restaurants there are here in San Antonio. Wow. Not that I eat out much, or ever really, but being the typical American that I am, I love to know I have options.
Eve has been slathering on Bath and Body Works Vanilla Jasmine lotion this whole trip. I’m absolutely certain if she didn’t apply any more lotion for the next oh, week to ten days, she’d continue to smell quite lovely. Phew. My nose needs a break, man.
Eliza is not at a good age/stage for long car trips. She is easily bored and won’t fall asleep in her car seat for any substantial length of time. Trying to ignore her and hope she will sit quietly and suck her thumb doesn’t work.
Well, hello humidity. I can’t say as I or my hair have missed you.
Don’t leave your car window open while your husband drives through big puddles. Heed my little words of wisdom.
Texas has squirrels! Where I live, there are NO squirrels! Can you believe that? I actually hate squirrels but the kids were super excited to see some today.
There are plenty more observations and other random facts that are floating around in my head… but I’ll have to catch ya tomorrow!
P.S. I’m working on the feed issue. I appreciate that you let me know it wasn’t working! Thanks for bearing with me on this computer stuff… I totally rot at it.
By the way, in case you’re curious, yes… that bird does have a mischievous look. Yes, Judah was also being mischievous. And yes, their mutual mischievousness did indeed collide. He got pecked. I totally laughed my head off. So did he.
iHeartFaces: No Flash
March 24, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized, iHeartFaces | 20 Comments
I took this photo at a local golf course on a fateful day last fall… The day was fateful because I got kicked off said golf course by an enormously crotchety old man.
There aren’t many green places here in eastern New Mexico. In fact, the golf course was the only green place I could think of for a photoshoot. We were only using the side of it but the man, that man, he crushed my hopes, my dreams, my very happiness by kicking us off…. NOT REALLY. I was bummed. But I rallied. I found another golf course.
Anyways…
I am such a sucker for funny photos. I always ask my clients to make a silly face – I love how it immediately brings their true personality to the forefront, not to mention how it loosens them up! These lovely sisters made my heart glad with their beautiful silly faces.
Join in the no flash fun over at I ♥ Faces!
FYI
March 23, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 8 Comments
My blog might start to look a little bit funky… The transition from this blog to the new one has begun.
I’m excited but you know, I really have issues with change.
And yet, here I am, a military wife.
The things that make you go “Hmmmmm….”
